The Drivel From Tonight's Fun Time (my apology)

Once upon a time, there was a girl. This girl was around the age of eighteen, and she had decided to survive in the land of Las Vegas, otherwise known as Sodom, for the duration of the year, after much effort to exist happily elsewhere.

Having lived in the city of devils for a while, she met a fellow who she felt a real connection with, and decided to align herself with him. This guy was a nice person who was also a drummer, who knew the secret songs that moved the hearts of some, and who had a similar history to the gal. The gal consequently connected with the fellow...

....Birth of Boy....

Eugene, Or:

Ben finds a band, a piece of belonging. He practices, creates a name for the band (Soda Jerk), schools his young minions about music and tries to impress his wife that his band is really going somewhere. His band has a few shows at which his wife (and son) is in attendance.

Holly:

I am at a show where my husband is playing the drums. It is quite amusing because the other band members are quite young- in their teens/early twenties and have never really lived. Ben has lived and is thus a kind of parental and iconic figure to these fellows. I have no patience for them. They are young, over-privileged boys in college. They have lives I could not fathom. They have hooked up a few concerts and we have to transport their gear and bodies, and when we get there I wander around carrying Raven (the infant) while they play. I walk into the basement/garage/oddly huge coffee shop/ carrying my baby while my husband plays the drums and tries in vain to find rock star acceptance and admiration. People swarm around the band and give them support, patting me on the back while they let me know that they dig the music, dig that I am letting the man make it.

Now it is much later and the drummer has died, the infant is fourteen, and the mother (myself) is 35. I go to concerts, dance, get into the music and feel connected, not unlike those youth so long ago. But I can also see the other side. The side from which the dirt is- where the audience can be seen as an odd and freakish entity, but a necessary one, and where the band is a bunch of oddly connected friends with some extra females attached and perhaps some other humans- small ones- also connected. It is always so strange for me to go to shows, but I cannot stop going.

I watch the main character, or the drummer. They are both the most important parts of the band.

Ben wanted me to be his band’s singer. He encouraged me to sing like Billie Holiday, and to be like Kim Deal. I had no desire to be a front person for a band. But I was flattered indeed that he tried to encourage me to sing, when I knew (felt strongly) that I had no real ability.

Today:

I went to John Henry’s and enjoyed the Sid & Fancy CD Release (EP Really) party and listened to the bands. I tried not to look too much at the lead singer, Aaron, because I know he has a female. She goes to all of his shows, like I did for Benny, and boogies in the front of the dance area. She’s a cutie. She take pictures and makes me afraid to say howdy to the band, particularly Aaron. So I tried to enjoy the band without stepping on her toes. I think I did okay.

Aaron dedicated “You” (Bad Religion) to me, which made me feel like a rock star. I am very honored and grateful.
I still didn’t thank them. How rude. Guess I should now. Thanks!

Some day I’ll do a really good job of telling my story. But not tonight.

I do want to say though- that my husband was a decent fellow, with an unfortunate love for heroin and the rock star dream. He wanted to be a rock star, and died like one. He forgot to become one first.

Good night.