Another night of stuff...

Well, the first post- I had a friend of mine peruse it and she declared that I sounded like I was lonely. Perhaps I am, sometimes. In fact- YES, I am- SOMETIMES. Other times, I am not. I am content to be free of gropers and space-inhibiters.

Tonight has been another one of those nights that reminds me of how lonely I can feel at times. And also of how glad I am to be alone.

Partly because I escaped my shell of safety and stress-free no-body-ness.

Yes, I went out - - - alone.

I ventured over to Luckey's- one of my very favorite bars- to see Sid and Fancy, I good local Irish-punk-bluegrass-band. I got there after ten, when the first band started, and thought I was safe to sit at the bar and drink alone. But no- apparently I haven't gained enough weight to scare off all males, so a fellow crept up and asked if he could fill the seat beside me- of course, being polite, I said he could. Poor lad was drunken and probably couldn't see well, but he stuck near me for another hour or so- until I tired of him and his inebriation. Thankfully, I had a fairly easy escape.

I was idly flirting with the idea of flirting with the singer of Sid and Fancy; because he's a charming and friendly guy, and I think that he's adorable and fairly approachable. Then it occurred to me that he was probably attached to this one female who was at the last two shows, right in front and dancing and cute as a button. So I decided to avoid that quagmire. I don't want to interfere with a coupling. I don't want to interfere with anything, for that matter. It was tempting though, since he made it clear that he remembered me from the myspace comment I left on the band's profile page; referring to the last show at the WOW Hall. Yes. I am a sucker for being noticed. Notice me, and I go and take it personally. So watch out.

But I did have a great time dancing and getting silly and talking to a bunch of people and buying a CD from the band (Their name is Williston, from Seattle- not bad attall) that opened for S&F (S&F don't have a CD out yet), and I even had fun imagining that I was attractive and that there were people in the bar who were watching me and thinking I was looking impressive. Then, I noticed how the lady who I thought was attached to Aaron (the Sid & Fancy lead singer) was beginning to act possessive. I also got the paranoid impression that the people who I was dancing near were starting to take my dancing near them personally, and were wondering if I was hitting on them. Especially when they started moving away from me. Then I started feeling less impressive and more dorky and awkward. Then I thanked the handsome lead singer fellow for singing the uncensored version of one of Bad Religion's best songs (You), in my humble opinion- largely because it was dedicated to me about fifteen years ago by an admirer- and found my coat.

I finally decided I had better go home and see how my boy was faring.

He was cursing the darn computer for not letting him on myspace. Poor lad.

It's funny- I don't know what I'm going to do in four months. I have this dream job, and I love it and want to keep it, but it ends in June. I know I need to look for a different job, but I keep hoping I can keep the one I have, so I avoid the hunt. Also, the hunt is horrible and I want to avoid it at any cost. Maybe I should just skip country and try to find a new world and life. And deal with my son hating me for dragging him away from his homeys. Yep.

And it would be so cool if there were an adult male who had the hots for me; who was impressed by me, interesting, honorable, and available; who was interested in me, attractive, smart, capable, and trustworthy; who was not afraid of me; didn't think I was a lesbian because I don't feel like shaving my legs or pandering to any male who flirts with me.

I know- too much to ask for in US of America.

Or to much for ME to ask for. Then, it would also be nice if there were such a male, and he actually communicated with me about it. There's the rub. Or whatever.

Ugh- it hurts to act like such a vulnerable female person- even every once in a while. I hate it. I don't want to be vulnerable- to be needy, but I am sometimes- in some ways. Dang it.

Blah.

Good evening/morning world.

I'm going to try to go to sleep, or something.