Time for a grumpy old punk rocker rant. Or not. I've already bored myself. I was sucking time on facebook and tried to post a "status report" but apparently it was 40 characters too long so it got deleted. Asshats!
But anyways- I meant to say something like this: I'm watching this "documentary" called Punk & Disorderly. I'm not sure what the point is, aside from showing lots of footage of punk rock shows from the early 1990s primarily. Which makes me feel really old because by then I was busy trying to cope with a junkie husband and raising an infant boy, and was taking a dozen or so years off of the punk scene after being immersed in it for 5+ years. Yay. The whole "I'm more punk and for longer than you" bullshit hype that I hated when I was 15 in 1987 and the older punks chastised me and lectured about how dead punk was. Punk's not dead still, which is the point of this "documentary", I guess. But now I'm the old bint curling my finger at the young rascals, asserting how much more important and amazing and powerful it was back in "my day". Ugh.
I think the thing that annoys me more is that now I know a slew of younger cats, who are decent enough as far as humans go, but who are also so fucking entitled and spoiled and daft and think that being punk is being a drunken asshole and not giving a shit about other humans or about anything, really. I guess that's what punk was for SOME people, but not anyone I ever gave two shits about. My punk scene came from the poor, poverty stricken, undeserving and oppressed scum of the areas. We scrambled on our bloody hands and knees, uphill both ways, until we found each other in the sweet sweet mountain valleys of punk rock valhalla, and we banded together in amazing political outrage over how shitty and bullshitty everything was. We didn't have to dye our hair to be punk, or wear hot topic clothes, or have studded belts and leather jackets. We just banded together as fellow outcasts. Outcastes. Yep. We were HOLY, man. HOLY. You can't take that away.
Yep. Okay- so a lot of the footage is also from the late 1980's. Okay. And much of it is great. Dang it.
I sit corrected by the universe and my continued willingness to keep my eyes open and watch, regardless of my holy righteous indignation. But still. Dammit. I'm getting old and grumpy.
Yeah.
Addendum: Okay, so I now realize that the vast majority of the videos in the "documentary" were from the early-mid 1980's. My bad. Like I said- I'm a grumpy old arsehole. Full of steam and piss and vinegar. RIGHTEOUS vinegar, mind you, but still.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Slippers
Many years ago, I had begun a relationship with a man and we shared our first Christmas together, with our sons who were about the same age (his one son, my one son). We made a tree out of a lamp in his small apartment, and exchanged gifts with glee and the magic of a fresh relationship. It was the first, and only, time I got semi-extravagant gifts from a man I was with, and it was strange and wonderful. One of the gifts was a pair of burgundy slippers.
The relationship lasted a mere three tumultuous years - 2.5 years longer than it should have - but the slippers (and microwave oven) remain with me. I still wear the slippers nearly every day, all these 13 years later. In spite of the fact that they remind me of my folly in staying with that man for far too long, they are also functional, comfortable, warm, and totally adapted to MY feet. This year, the poor slippers' signs of wear became a bit too much- mainly because of the holes at the toes that were growing and letting in ever more cold air. Something had to be done.
My son, wonderful lad that he is, has a real challenge when it comes to gift-giving occasions. He's really terrible at giving those token gifts that are expected on birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, and the like. He means to give amazing and wondrous gifts. He fully intends to, plans to, hopes to, wants to. He inevitably fails though. He forgets, doesn't get around to it, doesn't know how to get it done, or some such thing. This used to really bother me. I used to wonder why he didn't care enough to do something, ANYTHING, nice and gifty for me on those prescribed (or on any, really) occasions. I used to think he was intentionally forgetting or selfish or mean. I was wrong. He is selfish, yes, but so am I. His selfishness isn't what prevents the gift-giving.
The lad was so full of intention to buy me slippers that he told his friends that he had done so already. He picked them out at the store, figured out how much they would cost, and thought a lot about buying them. He never quite made it to that second step of making the purchase though. Finally, on xmas eve, he suggested to me that he would MAKE me some great leather slippers/moccasins instead, as long as I purchased the materials. Now, the idea intrigued me. He's never made anything from leather before, and I wondered if he could pull it off. But the idea of me buying the supplies for a gift FOR me, when I'm already broke, was not that appealing so I declined. Still, the problem of my cold toes remained.
Today I had an epiphany. Raven wants to sew some slippers; I have slippers that could use sewing. I suggested the idea to him, and he took to it right away. I showed him the needle he could use, the thread that kind of matched the slippers, and looked at him. And it worked! He sat down and diligently mended my slippers, working hard on it for nearly an hour. Now I have whole slippers again, along with nice warm toes, Raven has the pride in accomplishing something slightly challenging, useful and kind, and we're both happy. I love it when things work out that nicely, or to quote the A-Team, "I love it when a plan comes together".
The relationship lasted a mere three tumultuous years - 2.5 years longer than it should have - but the slippers (and microwave oven) remain with me. I still wear the slippers nearly every day, all these 13 years later. In spite of the fact that they remind me of my folly in staying with that man for far too long, they are also functional, comfortable, warm, and totally adapted to MY feet. This year, the poor slippers' signs of wear became a bit too much- mainly because of the holes at the toes that were growing and letting in ever more cold air. Something had to be done.
My son, wonderful lad that he is, has a real challenge when it comes to gift-giving occasions. He's really terrible at giving those token gifts that are expected on birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, and the like. He means to give amazing and wondrous gifts. He fully intends to, plans to, hopes to, wants to. He inevitably fails though. He forgets, doesn't get around to it, doesn't know how to get it done, or some such thing. This used to really bother me. I used to wonder why he didn't care enough to do something, ANYTHING, nice and gifty for me on those prescribed (or on any, really) occasions. I used to think he was intentionally forgetting or selfish or mean. I was wrong. He is selfish, yes, but so am I. His selfishness isn't what prevents the gift-giving.
When I finally realized that his ability to give gifts was not directly related to how much he loves and appreciates me, things were better for us both. I still don't get so many gifts, but now it's more of a joke that I tease him about than a point of contention. What I have taken to doing is pointing out about a month or so ahead of time that a gift-giving occasion is coming up, and that he could give me X or Y if he is so inclined. This year for xmas, I suggested new slippers.Let me take this moment to point out that when I refer to gift-giving, I do not mean gifts-you-purchase-at-a-store giving. I mean any token type gift. An acceptable gift, in my eyes, is anything that the person takes a few minutes out of their day to dig up, create, find, buy, write up, or whatever. I'm as happy with a note that reads "You are great! I want you to remember that I love you and appreciate you. Love, _______", as I am with a scarf. Really. Of course, the more time and effort a person puts into a gift, the more meaningful it is, but I'd really truly be okay with a mere loving note or "IOU a car wash" or something like that. In fact, one year, Raven and I gave each other a bunch of IOU notes, decorating the xmas tree with them. That was rad.
The lad was so full of intention to buy me slippers that he told his friends that he had done so already. He picked them out at the store, figured out how much they would cost, and thought a lot about buying them. He never quite made it to that second step of making the purchase though. Finally, on xmas eve, he suggested to me that he would MAKE me some great leather slippers/moccasins instead, as long as I purchased the materials. Now, the idea intrigued me. He's never made anything from leather before, and I wondered if he could pull it off. But the idea of me buying the supplies for a gift FOR me, when I'm already broke, was not that appealing so I declined. Still, the problem of my cold toes remained.
Today I had an epiphany. Raven wants to sew some slippers; I have slippers that could use sewing. I suggested the idea to him, and he took to it right away. I showed him the needle he could use, the thread that kind of matched the slippers, and looked at him. And it worked! He sat down and diligently mended my slippers, working hard on it for nearly an hour. Now I have whole slippers again, along with nice warm toes, Raven has the pride in accomplishing something slightly challenging, useful and kind, and we're both happy. I love it when things work out that nicely, or to quote the A-Team, "I love it when a plan comes together".
Saturday, January 1, 2011
So Begins 2011
And so begins my yearning to post something meaningful. Alas, little meaning can be found in my brain right now. Blah.
It's nearly the last day of my much-needed and far-too-short winter break from work, and I'm a bit sad about having to return on Monday. Also, I'm wondering who will help me load Cleo's snake tank into the car Monday morning. Hopefully the lad will be around to help me out. I've got about 4-5 hours of make-up work to finish up before Monday, and will most assuredly put it off until tomorrow, as I always do. What's a vacation for if it's not for NOT working?
Last night's NYE party was a bit different than I had expected it to be. The people present were, granted, people who I love and love to see; but alas, there were only 6 of us altogether, so the festivities were minimal. At least I got home before 1AM, almost entirely sober and in a mostly good mood. Raven and his shadow were there, so we watched a movie and joked about our misadventures and shared some laughs. That part was quite pleasant. I love getting to laugh and hang out with my son. It's rare and wonderful. Plus, it's nice to wake up with no hangover. YAY!
I feel a little social pressure to make some grandiose goals and proclamations to start out the year, but I really don't feel like it. I always have goals, regardless of the day or date, and I don't like to be trite and make token goals just for the sake of goal-making. However, given how much I love to comply to social pressure (HA HA HA), and my inherent love of lists, I'd be happy to share aloud some of the goals I already have steeping. Here goes:
It's nearly the last day of my much-needed and far-too-short winter break from work, and I'm a bit sad about having to return on Monday. Also, I'm wondering who will help me load Cleo's snake tank into the car Monday morning. Hopefully the lad will be around to help me out. I've got about 4-5 hours of make-up work to finish up before Monday, and will most assuredly put it off until tomorrow, as I always do. What's a vacation for if it's not for NOT working?
Last night's NYE party was a bit different than I had expected it to be. The people present were, granted, people who I love and love to see; but alas, there were only 6 of us altogether, so the festivities were minimal. At least I got home before 1AM, almost entirely sober and in a mostly good mood. Raven and his shadow were there, so we watched a movie and joked about our misadventures and shared some laughs. That part was quite pleasant. I love getting to laugh and hang out with my son. It's rare and wonderful. Plus, it's nice to wake up with no hangover. YAY!
I feel a little social pressure to make some grandiose goals and proclamations to start out the year, but I really don't feel like it. I always have goals, regardless of the day or date, and I don't like to be trite and make token goals just for the sake of goal-making. However, given how much I love to comply to social pressure (HA HA HA), and my inherent love of lists, I'd be happy to share aloud some of the goals I already have steeping. Here goes:
- I want to be able to sing in public, hopefully a lead vocal with my band for a song or two. To that end, I'm making myself sing karaoke when I'm brave enough. Also, I sang for my friend who visited me recently, and his eardrums did not burst, which was a great boost to my confidence. I hope to be able to sing karaoke in front of my friends (and random strangers) without croaking or whispering too much. Maybe one of these days Johny will give me a chance. He's already expressed willingness to consider it, and to have me sing backup (although I have no clue on which songs the backup would fit in).
- I am going to write more often and with greater purpose and skill. Thus, I'm trying to post on here at least once a month. I'm also trying to write more poems, since I seem to like to do that. I'm also going to write some REAL letters. You know, the kind where you get out paper and a writing utensil, and write words on the paper, perhaps adding some nice illustrations? I'm going to do that some. Yep.
- I am going to take my CSI class on a field trip, dang it. So I had better make sure to fill out the proper forms and all that wonderful stuff on Monday.
- I'm going to get some semblance of a school garden started this year, if it kills me. That is a task much bigger than I had anticipated. I think I might have bit off more than I can chew this time, but I'm hopeful. I just wish someone would help me out with more than "here, call this person". I'm not sure what help I need though. Maybe I just want to have someone do it for me. Yeah, probably.
- I'm going to get along better with my son. This means I have to try to be more positive with him, and focus on what he's doing well instead of on how his choices/inaction let us down. This one is very challenging. I'm a bit of a nag, and Raven's a bit of a bull.
- I'm going to take better care of my body. I have already begun this by walking to work every day that I don't need to use the car (which has been about 90% of the time or more, thankfully). I need more physical activity though, for sure, and I also need to make more of an effort to eat more fresh veggies. Yes, that's right folks. I said fresh veggies. I am also going to make an appointment to get my eyes checked out again, and I'm going to go to the doctor and get a checkup. My next appointment for a teeth cleaning is in February.
That's enough. I'm tired of writing on here for now. Until next time, be well.
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