Slippers

Many years ago, I had begun a relationship with a man and we shared our first Christmas together, with our sons who were about the same age (his one son, my one son).  We made a tree out of a lamp in his small apartment, and exchanged gifts with glee and the magic of a fresh relationship.  It was the first, and only, time I got semi-extravagant gifts from a man I was with, and it was strange and wonderful.  One of the gifts was a pair of burgundy slippers.

The relationship lasted a mere three tumultuous years - 2.5 years longer than it should have - but the slippers (and microwave oven) remain with me.  I still wear the slippers nearly every day, all these 13 years later.  In spite of the fact that they remind me of my folly in staying with that man for far too long, they are also functional, comfortable, warm, and totally adapted to MY feet.  This year, the poor slippers' signs of wear became a bit too much- mainly because of the holes at the toes that were growing and letting in ever more cold air.  Something had to be done.

My son, wonderful lad that he is, has a real challenge when it comes to gift-giving occasions.  He's really terrible at giving those token gifts that are expected on birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, and the like.  He means to give amazing and wondrous gifts.  He fully intends to, plans to, hopes to, wants to.  He inevitably fails though.  He forgets, doesn't get around to it, doesn't know how to get it done, or some such thing.  This used to really bother me.  I used to wonder why he didn't care enough to do something, ANYTHING, nice and gifty for me on those prescribed (or on any, really) occasions.  I used to think he was intentionally forgetting or selfish or mean.  I was wrong.  He is selfish, yes, but so am I.  His selfishness isn't what prevents the gift-giving.

Let me take this moment to point out that when I refer to gift-giving, I do not mean gifts-you-purchase-at-a-store giving.  I mean any token type gift.  An acceptable gift, in my eyes, is anything that the person takes a few minutes out of their day to dig up, create, find, buy, write up, or whatever.  I'm as happy with a note that reads "You are great!  I want you to remember that I love you and appreciate you.  Love, _______", as I am with a scarf.  Really.  Of course, the more time and effort a person puts into a gift, the more meaningful it is, but I'd really truly be okay with a mere loving note or "IOU a car wash" or something like that.  In fact, one year, Raven and I gave each other a bunch of IOU notes, decorating the xmas tree with them.  That was rad.

When I finally realized that his ability to give gifts was not directly related to how much he loves and appreciates me, things were better for us both.  I still don't get so many gifts, but now it's more of a joke that I tease him about than a point of contention.  What I have taken to doing is pointing out about a month or so ahead of time that a gift-giving occasion is coming up, and that he could give me X or Y if he is so inclined.  This year for xmas, I suggested new slippers.

The lad was so full of intention to buy me slippers that he told his friends that he had done so already.  He picked them out at the store, figured out how much they would cost, and thought a lot about buying them.  He never quite made it to that second step of making the purchase though.  Finally, on xmas eve, he suggested to me that he would MAKE me some great leather slippers/moccasins instead, as long as I purchased the materials.  Now, the idea intrigued me.  He's never made anything from leather before, and I wondered if he could pull it off.  But the idea of me buying the supplies for a gift FOR me, when I'm already broke, was not that appealing so I declined.  Still, the problem of my cold toes remained.

Today I had an epiphany.  Raven wants to sew some slippers; I have slippers that could use sewing.  I suggested the idea to him, and he took to it right away.  I showed him the needle he could use, the thread that kind of matched the slippers, and looked at him.  And it worked!  He sat down and diligently mended my slippers, working hard on it for nearly an hour.  Now I have whole slippers again, along with nice warm toes, Raven has the pride in accomplishing something slightly challenging, useful and kind, and we're both happy.  I love it when things work out that nicely, or to quote the A-Team, "I love it when a plan comes together".