November Blue

I like the sound of that title.  I'm not really blue.  It's a song by The Avett Brothers.

I am in the mood for some rambling writing, so what follows is some semi-random mind-flow leftovers from a couple months of quiet.  Be wary.

Today is the second real day off I've had in what seems like forever, but really it hasn't been that long.  It's just the first day off where I feel like it's a day off.  I'm snuggled on my couch in sweats and slippers, sifting through photos and videos, uploading the good ones, and generally trying to put things in order.  Turns out I used to take a lot of photos of stuff.  I have been lagging in my extra-curricular duties of late.  Ever since I got back from my small summer vacation to New Mexico, it seems I've been struggling with fighting depression, being broke, keeping the house together, and having a few friends who are overly dramatic.  It feels like my first day to breathe today, and I'm feeling good.

I have had to cut off a few dead branches, so to speak, and slow down a bit.  I think I was trying to spread myself too thin, grabbing wildly at ethereal wisps that were way too far out of my reach.  Dreaming dreams that led me too far out of my normal pathways and familiar halls.  I love (and need) to stray, but I also need to find my way home and sometimes that takes longer than I like.  Sometimes I take the journey too personally.

I made my first eyelash wish in a long time the other day; I wished for clarity.  That's what I used to always wish for, as it's usually what I am most in need of.  I tend to flutter around and get scattered and shattered.  I require a concerted effort to stay grounded in some muddy form of reality.  Reality is my anchor, sirs and madams.  It's solid.  Being an air sign (or whatever), I tend to float away into the ethereal and obscure whenever there is a lull in my schedule.

I love to sleep and dream because of this.  I abhor waking up.  Once awake, I'm grand, but it's a struggle to get there.  I have had to set up some tricks for myself to get me out of bed in the morning:  I set my alarm clock an hour and 3 minutes ahead so when I look at it in the morning I have to do the little bit of math to figure the time; I run a fan in my room all night, only while I sleep, so that when I wake up and turn off the fan I can't get back to sleep; I don't read in my bed unless I am lying upside down on the bed.  Using these tricks has greatly reduced my insomnia and also improved my ability to get up in the morning when I need to.  Having a job I love also helps considerably.  

I'm also susceptible to blood sugar drops, which affect me greatly.  Thus, I always have snacks around in order to keep my brain running a bit more smoothly.  "Minimize the agony" is my motto.  I try to accommodate my physiological needs so that I have a better chance with battling/navigating my emotional/mental chaos.  It's worked out fairly well so far, and I think I might be finally getting the hang of this "life" stuff.  Of course, there are ebbs and flows, challenges (which I love) and whatnot.  Life is life.  Blah.

Speaking of blood sugar drops, it is time for me to eat.  Until next time...