Teenagers

Oi.

Being a mother to a willful and adventerous teen is a lot of agony, along with the genuinely good and amazing stuff, of course.

This last week I've just been served the agony slice of parenting a strong-willed teen, and it has taxed me greatly.

Raven ran away Tuesday.

He said being around me made him "feel like shit".

I said I was not going to stop getting on him for skipping school every day and treating me with disrespect, and I was pleased that his conscience was healthy enough to feel guilty for such foolish and irresponsible choices.

I also pointed out that I love him and think he's an awesome and amazing boy, with skills in every area he attempts, and with great potential. I let him know I don't think he's worthless, I love him greatly, I want him to be happy and succeed, and I will work to help him do so. He didn't like that response, and I am unwilling to stop parenting him just because he doesn't like to be parented.

Tomorrow is Easter, and my family, as well as Raven and myself alone, have several enjoyable traditions that Raven has always really loved- more than I do- which is why I keep them up.

He decided that going without them was too much, and that he needs to come home so he doesn't miss them. But there is a concert he wants to attend tonight, so he wants to come home afterwards. Okay, I can understand that.

I let him know that if he comes home this soon- before I think he's really learned the lesson of how hard it can be to live without parental support- he had better be commited to remaining here until he moves out in a congenial way- no more running away when he doesn't get his way or feels frustrated with my rules. I also let him know that I am not bothering with the usual Easter stuff if he's not home tonight- after the show is fine- but tomorrow is too late to kiss butt effectively. I have been wronged and I will not let that go.

I am not convinced of his having learned the lesson yet. I think he's going to bolt again, as soon as things get hard. I can't in my right mind though, forbid him from returning just because I don't trust his sincerity, can I?

I don't know. I tend to give three chances before giving up entirely, and perhaps that is two chances too many, but then again, I don't want to feel unreasonable or unforgiving. He's only 14.

The funniest thing is- he asked if he could stop by BEFORE the show, to get some food. That takes some serious cojones. And it also makes me think he's not yet learned the lesson. Or he's just really hungry.

I denied him. I told him he can't just stop in for ten minutes to eat and then take off again- I need more commitment than that. He took it well and did not complain, which is nice. But he did stop in and give me an awkward and strained hug. He did apologize for being a jerk. These are good things. I still did not give him food- I sent him on his way and said he could eat when he comes home.

Oi- I hate feeling like a total sucker. I also want the boy to be at home. And in school- at least until he's old enough to take his GED.

What say ye? Am I allowing too much? Am I giving in too easily? Am I a horrible bitch for insisting he go to school, etc? (I won't bend on that one even if I am called names)

This parenting stuff is so hard sometimes.

On a lighter note, one of my students screamed at me yesterday (before storming out the door and screaming "FUCK YOU!!" to the school at large), that I am a "Fucking Bitch", so I must be doing something right, no?

I do still love my job. A lot. I hope to keep it for a really long time. It is so rewarding and the kids are awesome, even though they behave badly sometimes. I just love them. I can't help it.

I have lots of room for improvement and lots of plans for next year and how it will be better- for students and for me. I should know by June if I am going to be there next year. I'll keep y'all posted.

Slainte Mhath!